River’s Edge by Michael Starling

(Test run)I stopped just short of the rivers’ edge. Now I was sure that it was a grizzly, and not a Kodiak bear. I couldn’t tell if it was male or not. This was why I came to Alaska, to see one of these up close. Problem was, it saw me. Now I’m not a foolish man, and I guessed the danger to be low. He, (I’m going to refer to the bear as ‘he’ because it will embellish the story when I tell it at the bars) was across the river, with the deep channel between him and me. He would have to want me to make the extra effort to cross and fight the current. I didn’t notice any other bears around, and no sign of cubs. I figured he was a teenager. He seemed awkward at times, and curious. I saw him swat at the water just to watch it splash, or stick his head underwater and pull back quickly.

Now his curiosity caused him to stare at me, with no sign of concern. I decided to look nonchalant and unthreatening, so I placed my hands down my side, took a slow, deep breath, and exhaled. He took a deep breath and causually snorted, an odd jesture that was hard to read. A subtle sign that he had relaxed a little. That was a trick I learned working around horses, they’ll take their cue from you.
Now I felt my senses getting keener. I knew I wanted to listen for any rustling, like another bear in the immediate area. Maybe I wasn’t as relaxed as I thought, but I intend to leave out that part of the story. The sound of the water running in the stream seemed a bit louder. That annoying voice in my head was saying “now’s a good time to leave, before you screw-up and have to haul ass”. That voice is always the ‘wuss’, I can’t seem to get rid of him.

Then I heard another voice say “don’t be such a wuss, nothing’s gonna go wrong here – just remain calm”. Then the quiet voice in the back of my head said “how can someone with so many voices in his head believe something can’t go wrong? … remember the time when ..”, but I cut him off.

“Be quiet! I’m trying to listen.”

I watched the bear for any sign that he might have heard any of this. Nothing, and no interest in me. He was still staring into the water like he expected a trout to volunteer to be caught. “Like that’s ever gonna happen”. That last one was from the ‘outdoorsman’ voice. Him I recognized.

I was impressed with the size of this animal. I guessed him to be around 1000 pounds. Have you ever seen the movie ‘Paint Your Wagon’ with Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood? It was a musical/western, the kind the ‘wuss’ and the ‘outdoorsman’ both liked. Anyway, there was a scene where they staged a bull and bear fight for the entertainment of the gold miners. I’ve seen the power of a 2000 pound bull up close at rodeos. I’ve seen them catapult a rodeo clown 12 feet in the air with the flip of their neck. Yet the bear in the movie held his own with the bull.

“Remember the PBS series where a female bear took down a 1000 pound elk”, said the outdoorsman. Yeah, I remember. Fought for 30 minutes, then had to rest for 30 minutes.

I noticed the muscles barely hidden under the thick coat of brown fur. The biceps looked three times as big as my thighs.

“Of course you have skinny thighs”, said another voice. This one speaks only on subjects pertaining to vanity. Like suggesting we go to the Eddie Bauer store and pick up something fashionable to wear out here in the wilderness. Now I’m out here in the woods, no one around but a bear, and this voice wants to be heard. “Yeah, you could have worn a heavy, red plaid shirt and the hiking trousers with the zipper pockets, and you would have looked good for… NOBODY!”

That came from the ‘humorous’ voice. I like that one the best. Pops up so fast some times that my mouth is in motion before I can stop it. But it can help me out in ways that are hard to explain. I wonder if bears have a sense of humor? Gary Larson seems to think so.

“You’re not gonna enjoy the natural wonder in front of you, are you?” said the ‘outdoorsman’. I hear from this guy two or three times a year, and now he wants to be in charge. If I was a Type ‘A’ I would probably hear from him more often. But this time he’s right.